Not in My DMs!: Keeping Potential Predators out of Your Messaging Apps

SAFETY TIP OF THE WEEK

Cyber predators need access to their victims before they can do real damage, but once a predator has access, they can be extremely dangerous. Know how to spot them and block them.

TODAY’S TOPIC

Not in My DMs!: Keeping Potential Predators out of Your Messaging Apps

Imagine you’ve just received a friend request or a message from a total stranger. Their profile picture looks attractive, or their messages are warm or flirtatious. Do you engage with these messages and requests? Perhaps they are authentic messages from someone who has heard about you from your various social circles, but how can you tell? Maybe you’re a little bored and chatting seems harmless, so you accept the request, or respond to the message. Their attention feels validating, and in the excitement of this serendipitous connection, you feel safe sharing more information with this person. This is a pattern that many cyber extortionists depend on to steal from unsuspecting users, and when children fall victim to these tactics, the consequences can be dire. 

In Wisconsin, March 2025, a 15-year-old high school student took his own life after a cyber predator blackmailed him with photos he had shared. Threatening to share his explicit photos with friends, family, and college admissions teams, the predator convinced Bradyn to send them $300, before ramping up the pressure and threats. In a matter of hours, Bradyn felt his only option was to take his own life. Sadly, many young people have similar damaging experiences, and it is often difficult to hold the these predators accountable. 

WHAT CAN YOU DO?

It is important to know, as a parent, when and how your child might be vulnerable to cyber extortion. Often, predators will make contact with children late at night, when they may be isolated in their rooms. Whether they make contact on social media or gaming platforms, cyber predators typically direct their victims to a private chat app, like Instagram, Telegram or WhatsApp. Both of these popular apps have vanishing mode features, which allow users to erase incriminating messages while still being able to save and download images sent by their victims. A 2020 study shows that most cyber predators aim to collect images or information they can use to continually threaten their victims. Once they have this information, they relentlessly message their victims until they agree to send more images or money. 

So what can you do to keep your child safe? Well, kind of like vampires, cyber predators need to be invited in before they can prey upon their victim. However, once they have leverage—an explicit photo or personal information—from their victim, they latch on and become very difficult to shake off. The most important safeguard is to make sure your child is able to spot and block them before they can persuade your child to give away any images or information. 

Here are some tips for talking with your child about the dangers of cyber extortionists!

• Don’t respond to people you don’t know online – If a random profile or phone number contacts you, don’t share anything with them. If they have mutual friends with you, confirm with your mutuals whether this is a real person or not before you engage.

• Block suspicious accounts and numbers – If a stranger is attempting to connect with you and their profile or messages seem suspicious, just block them. It only takes a second, and it saves you potential harassment in the future. 

• If it isn’t a picture you would want your parents, college, or employer to see, don’t send it – Whenever you send a picture over a messaging app, it can be saved. Full stop. Even if you are using Snapchat, the receiver can still screenshot what you have sent. Any picture you send from your phone can be quickly distributed to thousands of people, so make sure you’re only sending appropriate pictures.

• Beware of phishing techniques – Many cyber predators lead with threats that seem immediately legitimate, but they are not. If you receive a message asking for banking, social security, or other personal information, check your connected applications or institutions before clicking the links they send.

As always, it’s important that your child feels safe coming to you and asking for help if they fall prey to a cyber predator. One of the most powerful tools these predators use to isolate victims is guilt. It is perfectly normal for children to seek connections with their peers online, both platonic and romantic; but if they feel ashamed of those connections, they will try to manage them on their own, and they are not always well-equipped to spot and avoid bad actors. Here are some tips for making a safe space for conversations with your child on this issue:

• Leave judgement at the door – As children grow into adolescents, they are changing in ways that are both unique and, at times, embarrassing for them. Recognize that their emotions can be volatile and unpredictable and that this is a totally normal part of growing up. Defining who they are often means making choices that feel strange or unusual to a parent, and it is important to respect that, especially when setting safety boundaries with your child.

• Encourage your child to own the conversation space – Spend time with your child doing something they enjoy doing. When they feel confident in their lane, they will be more willing to share their experiences with you. Respecting their agency in the conversation helps your child to confront guilty feelings often associated with potentially dangerous individuals online.

• Listen intentionally – When your child feels heard by you, it encourages trust in your conversations. When your child is ready to talk with you about a potentially dangerous online connection, listen to what they say without immediately forming a response or command in your mind. You can let your child know you are actively listening by repeating back what they say or asking clarifying questions before sharing your thoughts and feelings. 

▶ Slang Word of the Week: “Good boy/girl” - A way of demeaning someone, often after asking them to do something.