SAFETY TIP OF THE WEEK

Setting healthy boundaries with your children and technology can help encourage them to set healthier boundaries with their friends online.

TODAY’S TOPIC

Building Healthy Relationships When We’re Constantly Connected

Today’s technology allows us to witness so much more of the lives of our peers, kids, and heroes than ever before. We have at our fingertips the power to connect with any one of our contacts at any given time of the day. We are often so accustomed to being connected, in fact, that moments of disconnection feel jarring, leading to feelings of anxiety, jealousy, and frustration. You might recall a time when you didn’t need to know what your friends were doing, or where they were, every second of the day. Many Gen Z and Gen Alpha kids, on the other hand, grew up with constant connectivity as a given.

But what’s the harm in being connected more often? Can it really be all that bad that my child video-chats with their friend once they’re home from school? While it isn’t bad that kids are connected with their friends, the need to be constantly connected can have real social and emotional consequences that influence the way they build relationships later in life.

Charlotte Hooper, who works for the Cyber Hotline, was surprised to see how many young people today call or are referred to the hotline because of cyberstalking and harassment over text messages. Some of these children are as young as 13 years-old. Instances of cyberstalking and harassment among children under 16 has not been sufficiently researched, but there is an alarming trend among young people that their peers exploit tools like location tracking and messaging apps to guilt or manipulate them into sharing information regularly. Some perpetrators, for example, require that their friends share their locations with them as a sign of trust, and this opens the door to more coercive demands. These behaviors among kids can often start as rituals between friends before devolving into guilt-tripping, surveillance relationships that can leave your child feeling anxious, angry, or depressed.

_{WHAT CAN YOU DO?}

While being connected is easier than ever, building healthy relationships now has new and subtle obstacles at play. Our ability to constantly connect demands that we set healthy boundaries not just with technology, but also with our peers. Children need to understand the importance of setting healthy boundaries and expectations with their friends.

Here are some tips for guiding your child as they build healthier online relationships with their peers:

• Model the Way: Your children will look to you to demonstrate healthy digital relationships. When setting boundaries, it’s important to let the people you connect with know when they can reach you and when they should not expect to reach you. You can best demonstrate this with your children, especially if they want to connect regularly throughout the day with you. Have an open discussion about what your needs are for space and how your child can reach you if they are having an emergency.

• Schedule “Do Not Disturb” Times on Your Devices: You can set specific times on your devices that will put your phone and your child’s phone into “Do Not Disturb” mode. For iPhones, this notifies senders that the person they want to contact may not be reachable during that time. Instructions for scheduling “Do Not Disturb” times can be found here for iPhones, and here for Androids. 

• Encourage Your Child to Have Face-to-Face Time with Friends: Human connection is of course an integral and enriching part of our lives: it’s important that kids spend real time with their friends in person. Joining clubs or sports at school can be a great start, but it is important to create or find space for them to play in an unstructured setting as well. 

• Understand When Your Child Needs to Set Digital Boundaries with You and Manage Expectations: Parents can overwhelm their children with constant connectivity too! Talk with your child about times that they feel overwhelmed with your communications, and assess carefully whether your expectations for communications are there to provide safety and support for your child. We can sometimes ask too much of kids for emotional support when they may not be well equipped to manage it. 

• Encourage Open Dialogue as Boundaries Need to Change: Life happens. There will be times when you or your child will need to have more or less communication between you. If you feel that you and your child are communicating more often or less often than usual, try having a conversation with them in person about the change. Know that the conversation may not have the closure you want, but reaching out and respecting their agency helps to build trust so that you can continue to be a source of safety and support for your child.

▶ Slang Word of the Week: “FOMO” n. – this stands for “the Fear Of Missing Out.” As technology allows us to broadcast our lives so easily, it is also easy for kids to feel FOMO when their friends are hanging out or having fun without them.